I need more Space in my Office

Let's take this time to talk about things that irritate us. I'll go first.
Today at work THIS was my conversation with ... well, we'll call him "Joe".

Joe: (looks at my boss's cube- which is empty). Where's Tom?
Me: Not here yet. I'll tell him you came by.
Joe: Hmmm.....(leans against my cube)....I really need to see him....when will he be here?
Me: I'll just go check the GPS tracking program I installed in his shoulder while he was sleeping. I don't know.
Joe: Riiiiight....well, maybe you can help me....I'm trying to find out if he labled it. I was looking for it this morning in the shared drive but I can't find it so I'm guessing it either isn't there, or it's called something else.
Me: (stare at him with BIG smile) Just to clarify. You realize I have no idea what "it" is that you're talking about?
Joe: (Looks at me like I'm mentally deficient) The program I was talking to him about yesterday at the meeting. Hellooooo.
Me: Was I there?
Joe: No. Just Tom.
Me: (pause....Smile)
Joe: (Blank Stare)
Me:(Smile...widen eyes, raise eyebrows...)
UNCOMFORTABLE LONG PAUSE AS JOE TRIES TO FIGURE OUT WHY I'M SMILING
Joe: So...(obviously confused)..isn't Tom normally here by now?
Me: (I start to worry that we've "reset" the conversation and we're going to start allllll over)Yes. Normally. I'll tell him you came by
Joe: yeah....cause I really need to talk to him.....when do you think he'll be in?
Me: okay, bye-bye now.

*Later when Tom came in, 'Joe' came back with a "Ah-HA! I knew he would be here! I just KNEW it!" victorious look as though I'd been somehow concealing Tom away from fellow co-workers. But not from Joe. Joe was too quick for me!

Sometimes I think a college degree might, JUST MIGHT, be over-rated.