I'd just like to throw out there that I've actually learned the regiment of questions (in order) that random people feel compelled to ask pregnant people: How far along are you? Wow, you're tiny- are you eating enough? When are you due? Boy or girl? You're carrying low for a girl, are you sure? Do you have a name picked out? (pause while they try to pretend it's the best name they've ever heard of) Is that a family name?
This is normally followed by more personal questions (because apparently myself and the stranger have developed a deep, personal bond by this point) regarding my "birthing plans" and how I plan to ... we'll call it 'nourish' our child. Seriously people. A mild interest is appreciated but beyond that -- I don't know you!!!
Oh, and this is normally followed by some horrific birthing story that normally starts with "I'm sure this won't happen to you, but I ALMOST DIED WHEN..."
Here's the thing, people. You had your "moment in the sun". You gave birth, hooray for you and the miracle of life. You're done. Stop re-living your moment vicariously through other pregnant women. You're scaring the S--- out of us.
I do find all the ridiculous questions strangers feel led to demand answers to quite impressive. I swear, It's as if people think I have no doctor monitoring my pregnancy and when the "time comes" my 'big plan' is to just give birth in a box under the stairs. So I guess it was just a matter of time before I started answering them in ways that I find make the conversation more fun. I'm considering writing a book as I see that pregnant women everywhere are having to defend their ability to carry a child. I have a whole list of answers for unsolicited advice/questions, but the one I find the most entertaining is the following:
- Q: Excuse me, You're not drinking caffiene are you? 'Cause that's bad for the baby"
- A: "Well, yes, I am. But only to counteract the 4 shots of vodka I downed an hour ago... the kid hasn't kicked in a while. Hey, can I smoke in here?"
Ahh, the sarcasm lives on...
christmas time
13 years ago
5 comments:
you should definitely write a book!
Thought you'd appreciate this shirt. If it would get here in time, I'd have bought it for you for Christmas :)
http://www.cafepress.com/kustomizedkids.165606932
oh my goodness. i love it!
most of the time when i'm out during the week i have noah with me as well (the boy i watch who is 3 1/2). i get the most incredibly disapproving looks when i'm pushing 2 toddlers in a shopping cart and obviously about to pop out another. at first i wanted to make sure every cashier knew that "he's not mine! i'm just the babysitter!" but now i just smile and watch the wheels turn in peoples' heads as they're obviously trying to figure out the age difference and if they should be the loving soul to enlighten me about birth control. i can't wait until the wedding rings don't fit anymore. then it'll really be a scandal.
Laura, I just looked up that T-shirt and it's AWESOME! Seriously D...you need that shirt! (in long sleeve and extra small) LOL!! Love ya girl! (and write the book)
that shirt is fantastic!
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